Too many horrid memories. I am a big wound. Suffered mountains of pain and soul shattering torture. I don’t have the energy to struggle anymore.To be in the truth of my trauma. Dead end. Reached the bottom of the deepest darkest ocean. I have become mute now after too much torture. I have become numb…. Read More
I am blacklisting Egon, an old fart working in a health store, ego based in a small village in Västerbotten county, northern Sweden. He was preaching to me about Jesus. It tore up old wounds in me.He was Saying “let Jesus into your life” and saying that I should not question Christianity and the Bible… Read More
I am really too traumatized right now to be writing this blog-post. My complex PTSD has become unbearable. I am having difficulty thinking clearly and speaking and doing things because of extreme trauma but it felt really important to write this post. I’m blacklisting some of my neighbors and the landlord of my apartment building… Read More
Hei, I’m Sophia. I’m finnish sámi but was born in northern Sweden. Moved around a lot but today I am currently residing in Umeå, northern Sweden.
Most of my life I’ve been very traumatized. When I was 2-3 years old my father raped me. When I was 7 years old I was group raped and cut with a knife. These memories I had repressed until they resurfaced a while back. For the biggest part of my life my mother verbally and emotionally abused me to the point that I almost completely broke down. Then after I broke contact with her she stalked me for a long time. I was also physically abused by my fathers wife. Later in life I was also harassed and terrorized for years by some people. Was terrorized by life and suffered so many losses down the road.
All this trauma led to complex PTSD, agoraphobia, panic attacks almost every night for a long period of time, eating disorders, severe hormonal imbalance which almost broke me down completely, illness, deep depression, 7 suicide attempts that did not work, and finally almost complete isolation in the end because of a loss of trust in humanity.
No words in the universe can describe the horrendous torture I’ve endured in the deepest depths of the abyss. Mountains of pain are heavy to carry. The traumas made me suffer through too many torture sessions of extreme pain and indescribable terror that felt like every cell in my body was being raped and killed. Cried too many oceans of tears and died so many times inside I’m not living, I’m just existing in some strange fucking way…The suffering I have endured is beyond what any living person would be able to survive. It’s a huge miracle that I am living today because I’m stonedead inside.
On this blog you can read some of my heavy stuff and poetry, blacklistings and see some of my clothing designs and more. To visit my store Kaikki, click here: https://www.zazzle.com/store/kaikki
