My sister is the girl behind the mask.Hides bloody knives in her drawers. Beloved sister on a grass plate.Sunstroke.Played out in a twisted horror movie on repeat.Blood red dirt under fingernails.Lost in a violet dream somewhere else. Absent-minded. Live and look for something.See in the dark and scan for things that might be of interest and grab some things that might come in handy.The photo archive with blurry polaroids.Hurt and blurt out… Read More
Cut me again Mama and use me as your dumpster.Psyche me out to the core. Tears welling up.Smile in contentment because malice is in your blood.Stare at me in the hall and wait for an answer that does not come from my puckered throat.Be bloody grateful that any words come out of my mouth at all. Be bloody grateful that I get out of bed every morning… Considering the trauma that’s been…. Read More
Since I drifted away at sea, I’ve had horrid nightmares.A scarab crawling up the wall.Resurgence at the door. I feel the truth circulating.What’s true for you in this moment? In the swirling clouds? Processing while in deep sleep and experiencing the core of the matter.Drifted away on the waves of the stormy sea and ended up here.Can feel the clouds swirling.Can feel those bleeding parts.Razorsharp red blazing flashbacks. Trace back to the… Read More
Hei, I’m Sophia. I’m finnish scottish but was born in northern Sweden. Moved around a lot but today I am currently residing in Umeå, northern Sweden.
Most of my life I’ve been very traumatized. When I was 2-3 years old my father raped me. When I was 7 years old I was group raped and cut with a knife. These memories I had repressed until they resurfaced a while back. For the biggest part of my life my mother verbally and emotionally abused me to the point that I almost completely broke down. Then after I broke contact with her she stalked me for a long time. I was also physically abused by my fathers wife. Later in life I was also harassed and terrorized for years by some people. Was terrorized by life and suffered so many losses down the road.
All this trauma led to PTSD, agoraphobia, panic attacks almost every night for a long period of time, eating disorders, severe hormonal imbalance which almost broke me down completely, illness, deep depression and almost complete isolation in the end because of a loss of trust in humanity.
Words can never describe the torture I’ve endured in the deepest depths of the abyss. Mountains of pain are heavy to carry. Cried too many oceans of tears and died so many times inside I’m not living, I’m just existing in some strange fucking way… After seven suicide attempts that did not work I figured I was not supposed to die and decided to wait for some creative ideas to come and to wait for my nerves to break. Got some ideas and plans for this blog and wrote an album that will be released in the near future.
On this blog you can read some of my poetry, blacklistings and see some of my clothing designs and more. To visit Kaikki-the trend store, click here: https://www.zazzle.com/store/kaikki
