Hei, I’m Sophia. I’m finnish sámi but was born in northern Sweden. Moved around a lot but today I am currently residing in Umeå, northern Sweden.
Most of my life I’ve been very traumatized. When I was 2-3 years old my father raped me. When I was 7 years old I was group raped and cut with a knife. These memories I had repressed until they resurfaced a while back. For the biggest part of my life my mother verbally and emotionally abused me to the point that I almost completely broke down. Then after I broke contact with her she stalked me for a long time. I was also physically abused by my fathers wife. Later in life I was also harassed and terrorized for years by some people. Was terrorized by life and suffered so many losses down the road.
All this trauma led to complex PTSD, agoraphobia, panic attacks almost every night for a long period of time, eating disorders, severe hormonal imbalance which almost broke me down completely, illness, deep depression and almost complete isolation in the end because of a loss of trust in humanity.
No words in the universe can describe the horrendous torture I’ve endured in the deepest depths of the abyss. Mountains of pain are heavy to carry. The reverberations of the traumas made me suffer through too many torture sessions of extreme pain and indescribable terror that felt like every cell in my body was being raped and killed. Cried too many oceans of tears and died so many times inside I’m not living, I’m just existing in some strange fucking way… After seven suicide attempts that did not work I figured I was not supposed to die and decided to wait for some creative ideas to come and to wait for my nerves to break. Got some ideas for this blog and wrote an album that will be released in the near future.
On this blog you can read some of my heavy stuff poetry, blacklistings and see some of my clothing designs and more. To visit my store Kaikki, click here: https://www.zazzle.com/store/kaikki